Best Kim Jong Il Jokes by Chinese Bloggers

Choi Choel Hee  |  2008-02-19 14:39
Read in Korean  
Chinese bloggers, known to be fond of humor, love to satirize their eerie dictator-neighbor, Kim Jong Il. Recently, a post titled “Seven Jokes about North Korea” attracted many Chinese fun-loving bloggers. The humorous tales about Kim Jong Il pinpoint the absurdity of North Korean society. It is fascinating to see the Chinese people’s keen insight into North Korea. The Daily NK is posting six of the seven jokes concerning North Korea, retrieved from the Chinese portal site “eol.cn (中國敎育在线).”

First story

集体农庄庄员郑龙万在河里捉到一条大鱼,高兴的回到家里和老婆说:“看,我们有炸鱼吃了!”“没有油啊。”“那就煮!”“没锅。” “烤鱼!”“没柴。”郑龙万气死了,走到河边把鱼扔了回去。那鱼在水里划了一个半圆,上身出水,举起右鳍激动地高呼:“金正日万岁!”

Jung Man Yong, a farmer at a collective farm in North Korea, catches a large fish in the river. Exalted, Jung comes back home and asks his wife to fry the fish.
“We can have fried-fish for dinner!” said Jung.
“But we don’t have oil.”
“Then, let’s have steamed fish.”
“We don’t have an iron pot either!”
“OK, then let's just grill it.”
“There is no firewood.”
Angrily Jung goes back to the river and lets the fish go free.
The fish circles around and jumps out of the water, yelling “Long live the General Kim Jong Il!”

Second story

美术馆里有一幅描写亚当和夏娃的画。一个英国人看了,说:“他们一定是英国人,男士有好吃的东西就和女士分享。”一个法国人看了,说:“他们一定是法国人,情侣裸体散步。”一个朝鲜人看了,说:“他们一定是朝鲜人,他们没有衣服,吃得很少,却还以为自己在天堂!”

At the museum, there is a painting in which Adam and Eve are holding an apple.
A Briton says, “They are Britons. The gentleman is sharing a delicious apple with a lady.”
A Frenchman says, “They must be French. They are walking around in the nude.”
A North Korean says, “They are North Korean. They have no clothes and little food but think of themselves as living in paradise.”

Third story

金正日视察农场,看到猪儿乖乖,一时兴起站在猪中间照了张相。待到报纸准备发表时,编辑为照片的标题犯了难。“金正日同志和猪在一起”不好。“猪和金正日同志在一起”也不好。……报纸出版后,照片下的说明文字是:“左起第三位是金正日同志。”

Kim Jong Il inspected a collective farm and found some cute little pigs. He decided to take a picture with those pigs. That evening, a North Korean newspaper editor was put in the awkward situation of writing a caption for that picture to go in the paper.
“Well… ‘Comrade Kim Jong Il among pigs..’”
“No, ‘The pigs are with Comrade Kim Jong Il.’”
“That doesn't work either.”
Finally, the paper was published the next day with the caption, ‘Comrade Kim Jong Il is third from the left.’

Fourth story

一个英国人,一个法国人,一个朝鲜人在一起聊天。英国人:最幸福的事情就是冬天晚上回家,穿着羊毛裤坐在壁炉前面。法国人:你们英国人就是古板,最幸福的事情是和一个金发女郎一起去地中海度假,然后我们好和好散。朝鲜人:最幸福的事情就是半夜有人敲门,开门后:“ 康成美,你被捕了。”“你弄错了,康成美在隔壁。”

A Briton, a Frenchman, and a North Korean are having a conversation.
The Briton: “I feel happiest when relaxing before the fireplace on a winter night.”
Frenchman: “You guys are too old fashioned. I feel happiest when I go on vacation with a beautiful blonde and then beak up with her up on my way home.”
North Korean: “One night, somebody knocked my door. When I opened the door, he said ‘Kang Sung Mi, You are under arrest!’ I felt happiest because Kang was actually my neighbor.”

Fifth story

金正日和俄罗斯总统普京在莫斯科开会,休息时间两个人很无聊,就开始比谁的保镖更忠诚。普京先来,他把自己的保镖叫进来,推开窗(外面是20层楼)说:“伊万,从这里跳下去!”伊万哭着说:“你着么能这样呢,总统先生,我还有老婆孩子呐。”普京被感动了,流着泪说是自己不对,叫伊万走了,然后轮到金正日,他也大声叫自己的保镖李明万。“李明万,从这里跳下去!”李明万二话不说就要往下跳,普京一把抱住他说:“你疯了?跳下去会死的!”李明万一边挣扎着要跳下去一边说:“放开我,混蛋,我还有老婆孩子呐。”

Kim Jong Il and Vladimir Putin are having a summit in Moscow.

During a break, both are so bored and decided to test whose bodyguard is more loyal.
Putin calls his bodyguard Ivan first and tells him to open the window and throw himself off from the twentieth floor.
Ivan cries “Your Excellency, why are you doing this to me? I have a wife and a kid.”
Putin apologizes and lets Ivan go.
Then Kim Jong Il calls his bodyguard Lee Myung-Man.
“Lee, jump off from the window.”
Without saying a word, Lee tries to leap from the window.
Surprised, Putin grabs Lee to stop him from jumping and says “Are you crazy? You will die if you jump from here!”
Lee struggles to jump, saying “Let me jump! I have a wife and a kid.”

Sixth story

平壤地铁中。“同志您好。”“您好。”“请问您是委员会的同志吗?”“不是。”“您以前是吗?”“不是。” “您的直系亲属中有在委员会工作的吗?”“没有。”“那么请你把脚挪开,你踩着我了。”

In the Pyongyang Subway, two North Koreans are sitting next to each other.
“How do you do, comrade?”
“How do you do?”
“Are you a Party member?”
“No.”
“Have you ever been one?”
“No.”
“Are any of your relatives member of the Party?”
“Not one.”
“Then get your feet off from mine, now.”
 
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