[imText1]October 10 is the day of establishment of the Chosun (North Korea) Worker’s Party. On this day, long years ago on the 6th Party Conference, I became a member of the Party. On this day, former Party members among the defectors feel rather bitter.
The party membership I earned for starving and standing on a frozen ground for ten years holding a gun seems so worthless. I buried the same membership before came defected.
Only if I knew freedom early and if I had spent that passion in self-development, my life would be much better now.
Even now, I am endlessly envy of the university student with bags on their shoulders. They, who have freedom to learn, must be happy.
I came to South Korean at the age of 43, meaning I already lost the right timing for learning, so I gave up my dream to enter university. Since university diploma is more of an requirement of life in South Korea, all I can do here is purely labor or technical works. Half of the entire North Korean education consisted of study of revolutionary history of Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il, so there is not much I can do in an information-centered society like South Korea.
When I find people of my age who have become famous scholars or professors, I suddenly feel tremendous sad thinking how worthless my life was.
Party Membership Earned by a Decade Long Military Service
I joined the military when I was seventeen years old. I was first sent to the very frontline compound of North Korean Army, military corps 2 located in Yujung-ri, Chulwon-gun. When I came to South Korea, I firstly climbed up the “Victory Observatory” located in Chulwon-gun and looked toward the military corps I once served. Mountains over mountains, that was where I spend all my youth, the ten years I spent to earn the party membership.
Apart from summer and winter special training, I volunteered for all the hard work such as raising hundreds of rabbits, cleaning up the yards. It was only to return home with a party membership.
As the result, I received a reward of appreciation and a honorary reward from the military. The happiest thing that happened to my in my life was that I was able to join the party earlier than all the others of my age. I was so happy thinking that finally I achieved something that would make my parents proud of me.
At the time, if you ask anyone what is success, one would have said first is the membership of the party, then university, awards and employment (title). For this reason, no only men, but women served the military to become a party member. One you became a member of the party, you could speck out in the society. There was a time when becoming a member to the party was considered as something everyone must achieve.
To the Mines with Kim Jong Il’s Order
It was 1987 when my life that seemed to take a highway to success started to take another road. It was when Kim Jong Il ordered to send 10,000 retired military to increase mine production of Anju Mine. From what I heard, when Kim Jong Il asked, “Why is mine production decreasing” during the site visit, the person in charge answered, “there is not enough workers for mining.” That was the reason for Kim’s order.
According to the order, I received retired command. I was sent to Dukchun Mine located in Pyongnam. When I met the secretary in responsible to register my party membership, he encouraged me saying “Would you not be able to go through even fire and water for the party.”
After I worked for three moths as a miner, I fell into a deep despair one day. The son of a cadre of party committee of Pyongyang city and the son South Pyongan province party propagation secretary were gone one day.
I asked the other workers why there are no longer seen, and I found out that they all went to university. Post-military service placement and especially Kim Jong Il’s order cannot be escaped by anyone and even those who help people escape are to be punished. Those who never worked even in the mind were now sent to the university! I became very angry.
Due to the old machines, accident occurs frequently and entering the 1990s, even the good distribution was cut off. I could not tolerate any longer to spend my life mining after serving the nation for ten years. Thinking how sons of those who have power can escape the hard labor, I became even more furious.
Burying the Party Membership and Leaving to China
I visited the party committee and asked permission to send me home. Then the party leaders considered me as “procrastinator of the party order.”
In order to obtain an medical certificate, I stayed on bed for three months in the hospital. The biggest problem was to change my party members to another (party in other cities). The party committee did not let me go saying I am a party member. Officially, a worker’s party loses his membership automatically when he does not live the life of a member for 15 days.
One day in 1995, tens of people died in the pit in a gas explosion accident. I saw no future there, so I returned home with permission. Then the police were after me for having left without permission.
I did not have future so decided to escape to China.
On the day I was leaving for China, I climbed up the mountain of our hometown holding my precious party membership. I put both of my hands on my chest and thought over.
“What does it to be a party member? An extra for the dictator’s show? Why do I have to live and die for the party membership?”
I made up my mind. I dug a hole and buried my party membership there. I buried my youth and lost year together. I felt relived and the next day, I was already on my way to China.
