My new life in South Korea started seven years ago as I laid my first step at Kimpo Airport in Seoul. As all other former defectors did, I had hard time assimilating myself to South Korean society, a totally different one from that of North Korea. Particularly, identity crisis hit me hardest.
I hated being born in North Korea and felt afraid somebody might find out that I was from North Korea. When anyone asked me about my accent, I lied that I lived in China for a few years. Because I could not be true to anyone, I was not able to build serious relationship. And my inner agony got worsened.
Who am I, and why am I here? Such question I was murmuring in myself stopped when I participated ‘defector college students’ leadership program,’ hosted by NKHR(Citizens Alliance for North Korean Human Rights). On the first day of the program, President Yoon Hyun told us about a second generation Korean American. The story shocked me as well of all of my fellow defector friends at the camp.
After immigrated into America, his parents raised him as an American without Korean identity. English was spoken at home and the boy was avoided to meet Korean Americans. He never visited Korea until he was grown up and knew little about his home country.
The boy graduated a decent college and applied for a job at world-renowned companies. But he could not pass interview because he was unable to answer interviewer’s question “What do you know about your root, Korea?” Only then, his parents regretted their decision to raise their kid without Korean identity.
The story touched my heart not because I felt pitiful of him but because his lack of true identity was similar to what I had had trouble with. Even though he was educated and lived as an ordinary American, his Korean root could never be erased. And I am, even if I refuse to believe so, a North Korea. North Korea is where I should return eventually and a land that I must love.
No defector left North Korea because he/she disliked the country. They blamed on North Korean regime which failed to protect its own people’s lives.
Although memory in North Korea and China is deplorable, it also taught us invaluable lessons. I learned how important a rice grain when everyone was starving to death. And I was trained to have a strong will to survive when pursued by Chinese police in Manchuria.
Our lives in North Korea and China are never disgraceful. The hardship we experienced at youth must be a nightmare.
And now I can proudly define myself as a defector and North Korean. As soon as North Korea adopts capitalist reform and open society, we will return to North Korea and devote ourselves to reconstruction of the country and reunification of the peninsula. This is young defectors’ destiny.
To carry out the mission, we must clarify our identity and find out what to do for North Korea.
