[imText1]The greatest dilemma in North Korea is that there are problems but no ways to solve them.
I cannot understand why we have to starve or why our country (North Korea) has to live in such poverty. Problems extend to every corner of the country but there are no solutions. No matter how much we stamp and pound our feet, happiness is ever so vague.
On top of that, internal thoughts are tightly controlled and the North Korean system completely blocked off. If we had known the truth that we were the only ones in hunger and poverty, undoubtedly we would have condemned the system and tried to break free from the regime. However, the truth is that the media is strongly censored and it is difficult to access foreign news.
In a sense, if the North Korean system had not continued to exist, I believe it is possible that I would never have even defected. If the march of suffering had not begun, I would never have known China to be such a paradise and I would never have tried to flee from the country.
Is it possible, for the country to come to a ruin?
When I was a kid, North Korea did not endure such hardships as today. I was born in 1980 in the province of South Hwanghae. Until I entered elementary school, I lived at my mother’s relatives home with my grandmother and grandmother. We lived in an orchard without much adversity
By elementary school, my family came to live in Musan and it was then we began to experience hardship.
From that time onwards, many people including myself began to live lives on a downhill slope. One time in 3rd grade I was happy because my grades had increased suddenly, however even my excellent grades did not guarantee me a good future.
In `97 I was admitted into a military school but our family fell into bankruptcy. While our family managed a small-medium business, in the end we even lost all our capital. I guess our family fell into the group of families who suffered damages from North Korea’s first markets.
In 1999, my father went to the mountains to gather firewood but passed away in the freezing cold. He was exhausted from tiredness and hunger.
From that time onwards, I began to deliberate on the North Korean system more seriously. I thought that hunger would quickly pass following the march of suffering, however poverty was not be temporary.
I slowly began to realize that there was no hope to this country. I began to worry that there would be no reason to become a soldier if the country fell into ruin.
It was then I began to hear stories about China. A country with a glimmer of hope and no worries about food, these thoughts continued to press my ears and the thought of making money for my labor. In the end, early 1999, I crossed the Tumen river amidst the freezing winter.
13 people crowded into a room 56 square meters reading the bible from beginning to end 30 times in one month
Arriving in China, I was surprised to find that people could live so freely and abundantly. I could confirm with my very own eyes all the rumors I had heard in North Korea.
However, China could not become my haven. I was an illegal migrant and my fate was being repatriated back to North Korea if caught by the Chinese police. I roamed the streets for a few days and for a few nights without having any food. When I was thirsty, I went to the bathrooms and drank from the tap. I really wanted to die. At first, I even begged on the streets and did a variety of miscellaneous work.
At the time, investigations were tight in Yanji and through the help of one missionary, I boarded a 3 day train ride from Yanji to Xian, inner China.
There I met many defectors who were already living in homes provided by missionaries. I went to an apartment block where about 13 men shared a room 56 square meters that was needless to say, very stuffy.
That place was a North Korean missionary training centre which had existed since `98. The missionary had a dream to help North Korea and was training about 100 defectors at the time. Hence, all we did was read the bible as going outdoors was completely prohibited due to the police.
Complaints were inevitable. We really didn’t have anywhere substantial to go and had to listen to the missionary. Reading a bible in which I could not understand was difficult.
To be honest, there was no reason from the perspective of the missionary to help us unless we were interested in Christianity. Looking after all those defectors alone would not have been an easy task.
However, at the time, I didn’t have the liberty to think about anything else. Furthermore, we didn’t do anything else to do but complain about the missionary every time we gathered around. As my irritations escalated within a small room, that room itself felt like yet another concentration camp. It was a very hard time in my life. (continues)
